ReCoder (recoder) wrote,
ReCoder
recoder

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Things You'd Love to Say at Work, But Can't!

  • I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for thirty years.
  • Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?
  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
  • I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  • I'm already visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
  • I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don't give a damn.
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
  • Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose.
  • Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control.
  • Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
  • Back off! You're standing in my aura.
  • Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
  • I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
  • Wait. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  • Earth is full. Go home.
  • Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
  • Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
  • I'll try to be nicer, if you try to be smarter.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • What ever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  • You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
  • Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
  • I'm NOT stressed out. You're just extremely annoying!.
  • Have a nice day. Somewhere else.
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  • You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be?..
  • Do I look like a people person?
  • This isn't an office, It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
  • I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • Errors have been made; others will be blamed.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • CHAOS, PANIC, AND DISORDER -- my work here is done.
  • How do I set a laser printer to stun?

humor

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