July 6th, 2005

masked, myself

What is love?

Тут вот многие товарищи рассуждают о мистическом феномене под названием ’любовь’. А это время, пара английских учёных Simon Watts и Paul Stenner несложными выкладками вывели, что существует всего девять типов любви: (перевод тоже легко находится)

  1. Mutual Trust, Recognition and Support — A continual shared effort where the job of each partner is to make the life of the other ‘better’ and to help them maximise their potential as an individual. This is not easy to do but the evidence suggests this is the central story of love in our culture.
  2. Cupid’s Arrow — Love is a passion so intense that one loses sight of who one is and what one needs. It is rooted in processes of physical attraction and is almost impossible for us to control.
  3. Hedonistic Love — Love is little more than the pleasant and hedonistic ‘feelings of excitement’ that can be produced by sex. No attempt is made to establish a long-term commitment and relationships are pursued to maximise personal feelings of pleasure.
  4. Love as Ultimate Connection and Profound Feeling — A belief that love is the most profound of human feelings and the ultimate way of relating to another person. Love is seen as essential to our lives. Past relationship failures can not be allowed to put us off — they simply mean we haven’t yet found ‘the one’.
  5. Demythologised Love — An account which is critical of what it sees as the ‘romantic myth of love’ being propagated in our culture. This myth leads us to have unrealistically high expectations of love relationships in circumstances where large amounts of hard work, patience and compromise will actually be required.
  6. Love as Transformative Adventure — This involves opening oneself up to the new opportunities and life direction that a relationship can bring. Love can become an unpredictable roller coaster ride which can produce great pleasure, but can just as easily go wrong and become unfulfilling.
  7. From Cupid’s Arrow to Role-Bound Relationship — The familiar ‘rite-of-passage’ story where love begins as an uncontrollable passion. Eventually, however, one is forced to ‘settle down’ and accept the traditional relationship roles dictated by society — one literally becomes a husband and father, or wife and mother.
  8. From Cupid’s Arrow to Friendship — Another twist on the ‘rite-of-passage’ story. Initial intense feelings give way over time to a love relationship based on characteristics of everyday friendship. This love may not bring us great opportunities or the promise of personal growth, but it will bring increased feelings of personal wellbeing and security.
  9. Dyadic-Partnership Love — Love involves the merging of two people into a single functional unit in which both decide to place the mutually supportive nature of the love relationship ahead of their own individual needs. This demands much honesty, effective communication and mutual respect, but, if done properly, it can also be the most significant way of connecting with another person.

Но мы-то знаем, что всё не так просто! Всё гораздо проще